28/08/08

Now that I have decided to do two performances, a decision I made on Saturday I realise I need to get going with making decisions over the space and footage to be shown. I think I must be nervous today as I feel quite scatty and as though I still need more in the performance. Currently I happy to show 2 isolated works made within the project- The skate park footage and the 'Bits' boxes footage and then I will have the performance, Desk and gesture footage in the space with me. As the day goes on, I realise the breath of work I have made during the 3 weeks and I become excited. I look back through the performance and realise it does not need any other elements. It came to mind that the element I'm now ready for is an audience. 

I spend the morning gathering used Tesco bags to be used as the opening part to the performance. For weeks I wanted to use the line.."Just before we start, I just wanted to remind you all to take your own carrier bag..", but after discussing this I realised it would be stronger to use the actual bags, giving them out to my audience as they enter with a suggestion the the bag will, ..."help with the guilt.."! I become quite attached to the sculptural quality of the used bags this afternoon, hanging each of them off each hanging bar in the space. For a while I was concerned with using a branded bag- such as Tesco, as I didn't want it to be perceived as any kind of support or promotion for Tesco, I didn't want it to detract from the fact they are re-usable. However having used Tesco bags, uniform, I feel happy with the decision and they all clearly say- re-usable on them, so I'm hoping it will work. Also there is quite a lot of press/campaigning in Hertford at present surrounding the local Tescos plans for expansion, and so it seemed right to be political with Tesco bags specifically. I'm now considering leaving the bags hanging for the performance, removing them from their hooks as each audience member arrives. I guess the good thing with being able to perform twice is that it allows me to experiment and develop the performance over the two days, trying different combinations of elements, and having time to adjust for Saturdays performance. I'm slightly worried about the last part whereby I give the objects on my desk away, I mean I genuinely want people to have them but I don't want to replace them for Saturdays performance. I guess whatever goes, goes, and it will be nice for the performance on Saturday to carry that history, by having less objects on the desk  to give away.

I spent the rest of the day editing and transferring the video footage from camera to VHS. Yes VHS!- I feel very old school, editing away from my usual method of using a computer and instead of DVD using VHS. The reason for this is that I have been able to get hold of 4 TVs but they have Video built in. In fact really I'm coming to terms with this editing, and embracing its rawness, echoing the very nature of the residency. Really I'm more shocked at how the space is leading towards looking pretty 'finished', a positive feeling in terms of achievement but also a sad feeling that I have now 'pinned' the work down, and the experimentation has died down to a certain extent.

Looking at the work as a whole, it has become hard to descibe what's going on with it all. I mean I do know but its sitting fairly confused in my head again. I'm hoping by the end of tomorrow I will be able to have a minuet to look at the work together and then I hope it will pull itself together for me.  

I think was been interesting is often you perceive your work to be one thing and when it ends up as something else it can be quite surprising. Recognising where my interests lie has been quite refreshing, how I thought my work would be is somewhat different now. Running back over the work, it feels a little like I'm fighting against myself. I thought it would be this, that, have more of the other stuff, be more colourful, not about that...etc... but actually its not. Its quite 'local', current, political, and raw. Its taken on a whole new aesthetic, its appears fairly masculine, quite aggressive, and humorous. I think working with humour has definitely been a revelation, not previously being comfortable with using  humour but looking back at past works, even the early sculptures made with Ben I can see there is a lot of humour, maybe I just wasn't confident to work with it. I think I  may have been focusing on being serious, with often what was quite silly, in an attempt to be profound? I realise there is a genuine sillyness to my work and I do like to be naughty, exaggerating the everyday, being ridiculous, embracing monotony- sweeping continuously for 2 hours etc.. My ongoing interest into human beings and the body too, also stays with me and has become specifically interested in gesture and behaviour, moving from my previous interest in the internal to the more external body. I still draw on my immediate environment, observations and experiences but feel as though I am able to remove myself from the work and make it not just about me but layer it, so it remains about that but is communicated in a more subtle way.

I guess the work has maintained an interest in authenticity, but less about Hertford/ London specifically and more about everyday authenticity. Making this kind of work in this gallery is challenging both Hertford and London without the work being about that directly, what the work is about is my observations I guess by with a dynamic that gives the work depth. It is definitely about me being an artist in Hertford and living and working it buts its also about life and capitalism, emotion and recycling, from the very local to the global, from the trashy to poignant.

Tomorrow is performance day and I sit here tonight surrounded by vHS taper. i have been pressing record/play and stop/rewind for the past 4 hours and my head has grown an internal buzz in the front of my forehead. I will not complete the editing tonight but will have got far enough to make hats left to do tomorrow manageable.

I thought I would finish by sharing with you the 'to do list' i have just wrote to myself for tomorrow in my sketchbook- here it is.

To do

Buy 2 x blank DV tapes

Charge Digi + Vid camera

Audience member to film + photograph

Buy wine + nibbles

Plastic cups from flat

Note objects from desk that are to be taken

Remove glass from desk

27/08/08

Entering the space today I decided to remove all the elements from the space. Over the course of weeks I have been adorning the walls with drawings, images and collages and have had several props hanging in the space from day 1, including the overalls and wig. I removed all such items, and this is the first time I have stripped the space back.  I noticed today I am starting to get a little precious with the objects and space, and I guess this is because the work is coming to a conclusion this weekend. Its been quite tough trying to decide what and how I want to show, install and exhibit and in what format- the actual or through documentation.

By removing the objects I was able to isolate each element of work that has occurred and see it stand alone. It also made me realise how much I do really love the space and being able to work within a context of a gallery space. The white walls allowing everything that the room contains to potentially be the artwork. The stark lighting and blank horizon allowing the most of everyday objects to become beautiful.

Firstly I decided to work a little more with the objects from my tool box, extending and developing this initial exercise further. I laid out all the contents of my tool box, a box of 'bits' from my studio,  a box of 'bits' from my flat and the box of 'bits' from the gallery's office around the edge of the gallery floor, where it meets the walls. a comment on transferability of object in space and spaces that i inhabit, and universal familiarities and the ownership of certain things becoming an identity and depicting an interest- a universal commitment to something, to art possibly?

I then decided to film these objects, changing the camera angle, a consequence scale of the object and composing the direction of the floor/wall/object divides.

I played the footage back within the space, which was still filled with the objects and the film took on a real painterly presence. Almost like a series of abstract paintings, with shifting angles, shapes and colours. Playing this back in the space for me also became interesting alongside the actual objects. Highlighting the object and giving it a second reality almost, through mirroring the object back onto itself but flattened slightly with the format of film. This is something I had done previously with the footage of the desk mirroring the actual desk in the space.

Looking back at the 'bits' I realise how human they are, in terms of size and function and made solely for the purpose of aiding us in someway. They seem somewhat fundamental, essential to our living and very familiar. Everyone seems to have a 'bits' box somewhere- work, home, studio, garage?

This seemed to been another isolated work now and again I was not sure how I would present it, as the film, as photographs or the film and actual objects? I will perform in the same space so I'm cautious not to have too many objects in the space, so at the moment I'm thinking of showing just the film, but that is likely to change before Friday.

A focus on showing  fair few video pieces now, I moved the other objects back in that I knew would want to be there and left this evening arranging the plinths for the TV sets. I feel a little numb with the work this evening, almost like I missing something, but as my partner suggests, maybe that's the audience? I think I found the experience of exposing the work to Jenny at the weekend that it made lots of sense to me whilst I was talking to her about it, but now its just me again, I feel really ready to have an audience to the work again, to allow me to gain perspective on it and for it to grow through exposure and conversation.

Skate park stills! Finally!

26/08/08 Gesture video stills

26/08/08- Last week

Entering the last week, I'm in the gallery still filled with some on the excitement form Sunday. I look back through the footage again and feel very happy with the Skate park footage. A work on its own, I have decided this will not be part of the performance but will be stand alone on a monitor maybe just outside the gallery space, or possible in another venue- maybe the flat. However, of late, I have gone off the idea of a tour- seeming problematic and maybe somewhat lacking in context, I now see the work exhibited solely in the gallery, the place I have been occupying for the last 3 weeks. 

The elements of my flat and studio have taken on a natural presence through the objects and documentation of these alternative spaces. Most recently arranging the contents from certain storage containers collected from these spaces on the gallery floor, edging the floor space. These everyday objects and fixings, becoming beautiful and interesting, and somewhat seem fundamental to our existence, sellotape, Prit stick, scissors, cotton etc... 

This too has become another smaller element to the work and these have been common. The straw, the upturn of the gallery furniture, the small collages, the Polaroid exercises. Its become a question of how to show these, as part of the installation? Or solely through the blog, removing the actual objects for the final performance? I guess I'm looking for clarity in the space, but also feel these actions and smaller exercises have played an important role in the developing of the residency- they allow me to get to the larger stuff I'm concerned with but also mentally feed my focus and motivation. The blog has been a great way to compile my thoughts throughout this and I'm thinking now it may also be the best way to document these process lead experiments. So possibly;y they will be removed by the weekend. I'm conscious of pleasing and giving my visitors something and it seems safe to provide them with something wall based, which is more familiar to them and more familiar to the gallery, but at the same time I want them to recognise the desk as art and I'm tempted to strip the space back to the desk possibly?

I began to isolate some gestures to today. It feels slightly empty because this element was identified through a conversation with Jenny, and I guess I'm conscious that its grown out of dialogue rather then solely independently but it is there, and looking back at the original speech footage I too recognise the interest in gesture. My interest into human nature and physicality feeds into this idea too and I focused on some movement with the hands today. Cropping the shot to just the hands at the desk and working with the hand movements I naturally used when talking in speech footage. As the video roles I begin to play with these gestures and the whole scene becomes quite humorous, with the gestures taking on a narrative almost. What I also found interesting was that the gestures swing from initially looking genuine, i.e  possibly talking to someone, to a lack of authenticity, as my phone rings, unplanned and I answer it and chat with a whole new gesture.

I went onto to film the mouth. Something I recognised in the initial footage too was that I often talk with hand over mouth, apparently meaning a lack of honesty!- hilariously! Taking this gesture I isolate it, repeat and exaggerated. Thinking about these two video pieces I consider the work of Martin Creed again, who speaks of his own work as being very everyday and human, but removed from its original context and exaggerated. This feels familiar with these particular exercises.

Using myself so much in these exercises feels a little dangerous, but also makes sense. As I said yesterday, my presence in the space has become the work almost, visitors come to chat to me, talk to me, ask me questions, shelter with me from the . what else is in the space almost invisible. I like then therefore that I become under scrutiny almost in these videos, familiar to those who regularly visit but slightly removed from my self too.

I finish today slightly more anxious than I have been for a while. Wether thats because of the forthcoming performance, or that I chatted with Jenny about the work and so now elements feels somewhat confused a little and I'm panicking slightly about Independence, and feel as though I have lost my train of thought, or that its coming to an end and I need to make some decisions about what to show, not to show, how to arrange the space etc...

I feel I need to wake up early tomorrow to get some head space before entering the space in the morning. I also want to get some editing done of the footage. 

I need to run through the performance, pull through the elements it will contain and run through. I guess I felt a little sorted with it at the weekend and now I'm nervous to change, as the feedback I got from what I already had was positive. I feel as though i have got a little too precious over what I have already planned and not sure if to develop it further or just perfect what I have and spend the weekend arranging the space. I'm tempted to keep producing right up to the last day, that's what I normally to but at the same time I'm cautious to not convolute the performance and appreciate what I have got and make the most of the elements I have created rather than not recognising their own strengths.

Stills from initial speech footage

24/08/08 Skate park filming...finally

I have decided to meet with Jenny today to film for me. This is the first time I have exposed my residency progress and work to anyone from my circle of artist friends and I am exciting about this. I have planned the day in terms of filming but have decided to also show Jenny the space.

Meeting up in Hertford with a London friend is always a good feeling. Sharing my experience of living in Hertford and my practice here is particularly liberating, especially to be outside of London but having Londoner's here with me, encouraging them to leave London to see a performance practice. I guess this in its self challenges both London and Hertford. 

We meet and spend the first part of the day chatting as usual over coffee at cafe Nero (my new favourite early morning haunt in Hertford -see earlier blog). we talk a lot about Jenny's work and it feels good not to jump straight into my work.

We eventually reach the gallery and enter the residency space, deciding to look at the work first before filming. Jenny was impressed and very excited by the space. The first visitor I have had in two weeks that has reacted like this, apart from Rita who loved the straw. I felt happy I was exposing this to her and it lifted me and gave me confidence with what I had done. I talked through the space and played the footage I had been working with. Mainly the video of me chatting about everything from the first week. 

It was refreshing to enter the space at an alternative time and day. Up till know I always enter the space between 9 and 10 each morning and leave between 5 and 6. Entering the space mid afternoon, allowed me to see the work more objectively. I'm not sure if this was because Jenny was with me but it allowed me distance from what I had done.

We watched the footage of me chatting to camera, discussing my anxieties, the residency, my ideas etc...This time however becoming interested in the gestures and actions rather than what was being said. The text was irrelevant really, what was interesting was my animation- facial expression, hand gesture, smile/not smile and eye contact. After discussing this further it became apparent that the footage actually contained a lot of material, but it needed to be broken down, each gesture existing on its own, possibly playing with the authenticity of the gesture? Watching further footage I played Jenny the performance I did to a small audience two Saturdays ago, firstly she was amazed how long it was- or that I made my audience sit for so long! but also how brave it was to expose so much at such an early stage. Looking back at this again it became clearer to me which elements were working and which were not. It was certainly repetitive at times and defiantly too long. It also seemed to skip certain concerns of mine, rather than tackle them, it was a little to comfy, and needed to be more dynamic. Like the video I have decided to also break this performance down into smaller elements to work with and construct into a smaller performance.

The skate park filming later today as truly amazing! And so liberating. I have to tell you the story.

We get to the skate park after discussing the work and planning the video shoot. Earlier this week whilst passing past the park, trying to build up enough balls to carryout the performance I bump into a student, who also rides at the park. I tell him that I'm hoping to film later this week and how he thought it would go down with the others there. He recommended that I would be fine as long as I avoided the 'tracksuits'. So as Jen and I approach the skate park we see a lack of skaters/riders and notice the 'Tracksuits'. So we take a deep breath and walk over regardless to check out the shape of the skate park. Immediately we are heckled, are you the council? Are you the Mercury? ( Jen had decided on the way there she would put on her ID page from work, to give an air of authority to our business). We answer saying no, but that we are making an advert and looking to work with skaters/riders (they were clearly not that, a lack of board or bike confirmed that). They informed us that all the skaters were having a smoke and would back soon, among other larger fueled comments and chat. We decided to approach 4 guys with BMX bikes sitting on the grass and asked them if they would mind skating for us. They were extremely nice and more than happy to. The next thing I know I'm standing in the middle of the skate park doing my moves with riders riding around me, consistently, relaying to ensure an uninterrupted circling an it felt amazing. even the tracksuits shut up for it! I had done it, the idea that had been in my thoughts for so long, had become reality, and Jen was right I would have never been able to do it alone, it was a big risk. We brought the riders a coke and chocolate bar and took their e-mails promising to send them the footage. I also realised however much you work solo, there will always been times when others are needed. I guess I was so caught up in making the residency solo, I had actually been to a certain extent fairly strict on myself in terms of sharing the work and gaining feedback.

Jen and I when onto to have a beer, and I talked through my writing with her. As someone who has known me a long time she commented on the development of my writing for performance and I guess I kind of agree. i have started to see the possibilities writing contains, where as before I used it fairly practically. this feels exciting and currently the work and performance seems as though it will be fairly text based.

This evening i am left with an air of excitement, thrilled at the footage and the realisation f the skate park performance, and liberated by the feedback from Jen and the exposing of the work to date. I feel ready for the weekend and look forward to this last week in which I can focus on pulling the work together and constructing the performance and video works. I hope to spend some time re-filming the gesture footage and planning the space for visitors at the weekend. I think some TV monitors may be needed!