15/08/08

I decided that today would the day I begin to work with the straw. I've managed to divide my day up into writing for performance and more visual exercises such as drawing, collage, material manipulation and installation. This balance allows me to enjoy the space, work with the space and visual some of the ideas I am writing about. I'm also in this confusion of wanting to work sculpturally with material and wanting to write performance. The whole space is a buzz of confusion currently, to many ideas going on that I'm even finding it difficult to discuss it. I guess the main elements are the (what's become) installation of the gallery space and work space. the process of making work and experimenting becoming the work. There's more isolated ideas such as the straw. The straw was a suggestion of something one of the trustees of the gallery said they would like to see me explore. I became drawn to the imagery of working with straw and having straw within the space, out of context and a material that would allow me to physical change the feel of the space. The straw is different from the process installation but also surrounds that work. A work within a work. I forgot to mention I covered the gallery floor with a layer of golden straw today. An interesting exercise, notions of building a nest, settling in sprung to mind, metaphorically expressing my new home and new existence in the gallery. It also echoed the use of the space once being horse stables, and again began to reveal and expose the spaces history. Almost challenging its present facade and usage. This activity takes on another element to residency. Then finally there's the writing, the writing about the very nature of having a residency, what the residency intention 'is' (but maybe that's now 'was'...the straw is not mentioned) and what performance I want to make. This writing too has become convoluted and I left the space this evening realising that the writing must be broken down, categorised and re assembled for it to work with the audience and allow them to understand my work. Presently I thinks its too all over the place and will loose people. Today was no different in the sense that I have not yet found an external substance to include. Maybe I'm looking for something I will never find. Maybe this is what it feels like to work solo. Maybe the content will all be my own thoughts but that feels risky. It does feel strange not to have another, to bounce ideas off of and check that my thoughts, observations are universal and not just personal. I guess I'm also cautious not to make the work to much me me me, which it has been in the past but for others to, not to loose people but communicate to then. So the straw is now staying for the weekend but I've got a feeling it will go next week. Its to easy to rely on big visuals and somewhat complacent. Its not unauthentic and I needed to do it continue to explore the straw but I don't want it to be a comfy get out clause or even a spectacle to hide behind.