Wednesday, 27 August 2008

26/08/08- Last week

Entering the last week, I'm in the gallery still filled with some on the excitement form Sunday. I look back through the footage again and feel very happy with the Skate park footage. A work on its own, I have decided this will not be part of the performance but will be stand alone on a monitor maybe just outside the gallery space, or possible in another venue- maybe the flat. However, of late, I have gone off the idea of a tour- seeming problematic and maybe somewhat lacking in context, I now see the work exhibited solely in the gallery, the place I have been occupying for the last 3 weeks. 
The elements of my flat and studio have taken on a natural presence through the objects and documentation of these alternative spaces. Most recently arranging the contents from certain storage containers collected from these spaces on the gallery floor, edging the floor space. These everyday objects and fixings, becoming beautiful and interesting, and somewhat seem fundamental to our existence, sellotape, Prit stick, scissors, cotton etc... 
This too has become another smaller element to the work and these have been common. The straw, the upturn of the gallery furniture, the small collages, the Polaroid exercises. Its become a question of how to show these, as part of the installation? Or solely through the blog, removing the actual objects for the final performance? I guess I'm looking for clarity in the space, but also feel these actions and smaller exercises have played an important role in the developing of the residency- they allow me to get to the larger stuff I'm concerned with but also mentally feed my focus and motivation. The blog has been a great way to compile my thoughts throughout this and I'm thinking now it may also be the best way to document these process lead experiments. So possibly;y they will be removed by the weekend. I'm conscious of pleasing and giving my visitors something and it seems safe to provide them with something wall based, which is more familiar to them and more familiar to the gallery, but at the same time I want them to recognise the desk as art and I'm tempted to strip the space back to the desk possibly?
I began to isolate some gestures to today. It feels slightly empty because this element was identified through a conversation with Jenny, and I guess I'm conscious that its grown out of dialogue rather then solely independently but it is there, and looking back at the original speech footage I too recognise the interest in gesture. My interest into human nature and physicality feeds into this idea too and I focused on some movement with the hands today. Cropping the shot to just the hands at the desk and working with the hand movements I naturally used when talking in speech footage. As the video roles I begin to play with these gestures and the whole scene becomes quite humorous, with the gestures taking on a narrative almost. What I also found interesting was that the gestures swing from initially looking genuine, i.e  possibly talking to someone, to a lack of authenticity, as my phone rings, unplanned and I answer it and chat with a whole new gesture.
I went onto to film the mouth. Something I recognised in the initial footage too was that I often talk with hand over mouth, apparently meaning a lack of honesty!- hilariously! Taking this gesture I isolate it, repeat and exaggerated. Thinking about these two video pieces I consider the work of Martin Creed again, who speaks of his own work as being very everyday and human, but removed from its original context and exaggerated. This feels familiar with these particular exercises.
Using myself so much in these exercises feels a little dangerous, but also makes sense. As I said yesterday, my presence in the space has become the work almost, visitors come to chat to me, talk to me, ask me questions, shelter with me from the . what else is in the space almost invisible. I like then therefore that I become under scrutiny almost in these videos, familiar to those who regularly visit but slightly removed from my self too.
I finish today slightly more anxious than I have been for a while. Wether thats because of the forthcoming performance, or that I chatted with Jenny about the work and so now elements feels somewhat confused a little and I'm panicking slightly about Independence, and feel as though I have lost my train of thought, or that its coming to an end and I need to make some decisions about what to show, not to show, how to arrange the space etc...
I feel I need to wake up early tomorrow to get some head space before entering the space in the morning. I also want to get some editing done of the footage. 
I need to run through the performance, pull through the elements it will contain and run through. I guess I felt a little sorted with it at the weekend and now I'm nervous to change, as the feedback I got from what I already had was positive. I feel as though i have got a little too precious over what I have already planned and not sure if to develop it further or just perfect what I have and spend the weekend arranging the space. I'm tempted to keep producing right up to the last day, that's what I normally to but at the same time I'm cautious to not convolute the performance and appreciate what I have got and make the most of the elements I have created rather than not recognising their own strengths.

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