13/08/08

Well today was slower and more relaxed in a good way and I'm starting to wind down and enjoy the work I'm doing rather that panic about not making any work (around 7 pm yesterday evening). I began by attaching the photos taken yesterday to the wall, to create a kind of visual performance. This allowed me to see what I wanted to include in the performance tour. I then made coffee and sat and read through my notes from yesterday, the drools of writing that allowed me to exhaust my mind for once. I began to pull from it some good, some parts I found interesting and reflected on my thoughts of the actual event occurring from yesterday. I set up the video camera and spoke into it the parts of writing I found most interesting, I spoke to camera about what I wanted to do, what I had already in the space, how I felt about living in Hertford and how I felt about making new work. I include to actions within this text. Watching this back it feels okay, the idea of giving a speech about the very act of wanting to make a performance. there's something in there that links to the idea that living as an artist is enough. waking up as an artist, going to work and having a second life as an artist, administrating your practice, thinking, eating, sleeping and surrounding yourself in art. That being enough without actually making an outcome. The process of it being the work. I re-filmed this speech, this time wearing the Holly wig, previously used in a work made with Ben. I threw it in with the rest of my belongings when I packed to move into the gallery. I like the way the wig can play with my own authenticity and I'm keen to wear it around Hertford. A place I dread bumping into students in, being seen as artist and tutor and not human often. Wearing it around Hertford allows me to have an extended identity, Holly but not quite Holly.

Later that day I had two more visitors. Being resident in the gallery has lead me to become something more than just an artist working in the space. But someone who observes the running of the gallery. This has too proved interesting. its been suggested by my visitors that there's a lack of communication in the centre and over the past few days I have met 4 people who all are associated with the gallery but do not know what's going on for what ever reason. It seems they all get quite angry and I am starting to face the brunt of there anxieties. They have been coming to ask/tell me what there upset about. This is proving interesting. I am constant now  in the gallery and so become the only one for this short while to see exactly what goes on, becoming witness to the suggested miscommunication and at times dysfunction that seems to upset so many people. Its full of artists but some are up tight, why is that, I too at times feel uptight. Its funny, but the more time I spend there, the more time I meet people that love to talk about there own practice, what they have done and there current status.